An old friend by the name of Herb Klaus passed away from complications of cancer and whipple surgery a short time ago. A number of us knew Herb from the early 1980's. Unfortunately I didn't have much left to grieve many of the others in our group of friends did. I'm not sure exactly why but Herb and I grew apart. Perhaps it was because his wife did not approve of the activities we did together before they were married; rock climbing, fencing, role playing gaming, watching movies and having parties and get togethers...
Before he died he was living in texas with his family. Many of us could not go out to the funeral there. Although I had the feeling we would not have been welcome anyway. His wife and their friends were evangelical.
Today we held a private memorial get together for Herb. We had announced it and his wife went ballistic. She basically told us we could not remember our friend. That we did not know who he was. You see, she controlled his life and now was no longer in control. She tried to tell us that our memories and our history with him did not matter.
Talking to my friend Aleia (a grief counselor who helps people who are dying from terminal illness), she mentioned that she believes Evangelicals and other fanatics from Christianity and other religions are mentally ill. I have to agree with her. they are living in such a dream world that I believe they really are mentally ill.
She has to grieve to recover. Can you imagine what an Evangelical goes through when all of their prayers go unanswered. On his status page talking about his progress and lack thereof with his cancer, the posts became more and more religious over the many months. How can a person who believes so strongly that God will answer their prayers cope when those prayers are not answered? How?
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Bill, it seems such a hard thing to lose a friend to cancer and perhaps even more difficult to lose one to beliefs and behaviors changed by a spouse. We all somewhat change our circle of friends when we marry but it especially hard when those friendships change due to someone going in a direction we believe is wrong-headed.
ReplyDeleteI cannot understand those people who continue to pray with no results and just keep praying harder. All evidence points to exactly the same outcomes, statistically, whether you pray or not.
You and your friends certainly have every right to hold whatever type of remembrance you want to for your friend and it is none of his widow's business what you do. She is clearly demented due to her Evangelical Christianity.
I am sorry for the loss of your friend both recently and in the past.
Bill